14. Planning for Chemo

I really wanted to be totally prepared for any side effects prior to my first chemo treatment, despite not knowing which ones I would get. I felt that if I prepared for most of them I wouldn’t be caught short or be worrying about how to deal with them once they had started. My main concerns were:

Nails:

I have read advice that states to not wear nail varnish and then other advice that says it’s fine to. As the main problem would be for them to get too dry and maybe fall off ( which really turns my stomach ) I believe that nail varnish is a no no. I went on Amazon and ordered some nail and cuticle oil and started applying it every night. My nails seem fine, they have got white lines and ridges but have not turned black and do not appear to be loosening - so I would recommend a good nail oil.

Head Coverings:

Despite having my wig, I wanted to also get some scarves and turbans as I knew I wouldn't always want to wear it. Etsy has some great options - there seems to be so many different types so I just ordered a selection. Typically I only use a couple of them but, hey - now I have options!

There is a really good company recommended by my wig supplier who offer free online courses showing how to tie scarves - it can be quite daunting if you are as useless as me! You just book a session and they send a lovely scarf to you free of charge - they also include lots of other freebies in the parcel. The ladies that run the sessions are really lovely - you don’t even have to turn your camera on if you don’t want to. I found the session very informative and helpful. The company is called HeadWrappers and the website is www.headwrappers.org

Skin:

Chemo can make your skin very dry and it is recommended to moisturise daily. It is important to use natural products as some chemicals can react with the chemo drugs causing more problems. In the same way it is better to use unperfumed products not least because if you are feeling particularly nauseous perfume may make it worse. I stopped using my beloved Sanctuary products and wearing my signature Avon Far Away perfume as I want to make sure that I will still love them post treatment. I had really bad morning sickness whilst pregnant and there are still some things I can’t smell 23 years later without feeling sick all over again. I decided to use Aveeno Unperfumed Body Wash and Moisturiser and it is so lovely - it leaves my skin feeling really hydrated.

Products for my face were more of a concern as I have been using No7 for a few years now and feel that they were really doing a good job but I also knew they would probably be too harsh to use during my treatment. I eventually settled on changing to Liz Earle and I have to say they are really lush products that smell absolutely delish. I use the Cleanse and Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser which is really creamy followed by the Instant Skin Boost Tonic and Skin Repair Moisturiser. I think my skin is looking really good and may be the one positive that comes out of my chemo treatment!

I also stocked up on as many drugs as possible, paracetamol, Senna, Imodium, Colpermin, no alcohol mouthwash, antibacterial mouthwash, Manuka honey (not a drug but great for sore mouths) - literally anything I could think off ‘just in case’.

My final preparation was to collect my wig and, my biggest decision, to have my hair cut short. I wanted to donate my hair to The Princess Trust, who make wigs for children, so that something good could come from such a hideous time in my life. I really fancied a pixie cut, not least because it sounds so cute, but also it would be far less traumatic when it starts to fall out. I have to say I absolutely loved the cut and wish I had done it years ago - even Sophie loved it much to her amazement!

So, now I am ready to go, I have done as much as I can to prepare myself but still feel so out of control. Everything is still so surreal and I feel as if I’m in a dream, I know it’s real and happening, I just don’t feel as if it’s happening to me - it’s such a strange feeling. I am getting through each day, I have even been back to work for a few days but I am struggling to concentrate and sometimes it all just overwhelms me. I truly am terrified for what is to come but also know that I have no choice but to face it head on. I know I will get through it but I also always have that niggling voice in the back of my head saying ‘what if you don’t?’ And life carries on.