19. 5th - 25th July 2021 - Cycle 2

I have spent my extra week trying to get as healthy as possible prior to Cycle 2. I am having antioxidant rich juices and eating well in the hope that I will be in a good place physically tomorrow. I have a telephone consultation with an Oncology doctor and we discuss Cycle 1 at length. He thinks that I was just unlucky and he does not anticipate the same thing happening again. He has discussed the matter with my Consultant and they have agreed to lower my dose by 10%, as I have said previously. He explains that as I am having adjuvant (preventative and curable) treatment there is a much smaller reduction percentage for them to play with, but 10% is perfectly fine and will not disrupt my treatment. He says my bloods are fine although my Neutrophils are only 1.21 which is lower than last cycle but still acceptable. I ask if I could take antibiotics as a preventative of any infection, but he says that with this type of chemo it isn’t possible.

The next day I make my way to the hospital and have my temperature and blood pressure checked. They also weigh me again which is depressing as my weight seems to be creeping up and up - hopefully it’s just a blip and I will be able to control it better as we go along. I sit and wait to be called through but it is very busy and they seem to be a bit behind. I am anxious, not so much at having the treatment as it is pretty painless, but just for the side effects - I do not want to get sepsis again - it’s almost like it’s my first time again as I’m not really sure what my reaction will be. I am holding on to the hope that Cycle 1 was unusual and will not repeat itself this time!

A nurse eventually calls me through and I choose a free space with a view of the garden. They decide to heat wrap my arm again in the hope that it will make it easier to cannulate me. It still takes 3 attempts but eventually the cannula is in and we can start. The nurse decides to do my Trastuzumab first and slowly and gently injects it into my thigh. It does sting a little bit and takes 5-10 minutes to complete. I am then attached to the drip and the Docetaxel is set up to run for 1 hour. I settle back with a Jason Manford podcast, which makes me laugh out loud on a couple of occasions much to the amusement of everyone in my bay, as I have my earpods in so they can’t hear what I’m laughing at. The lovely volunteer ladies come round again with tea and biscuits and I feel very calm and looked after. After the infusion has finished I am disconnected and head home, nervous as to what the next few days will bring.

Days 2 and 3 bring the hideous metallic taste in my mouth, a steroid flushed face and obviously the tiredness, but I don’t feel too bad. I manage a walk at lunchtime on Day 2 and the ironing on Day 3 both of which leave me exhausted for the rest of the day. On Day 4 I start my Filgrastim injections, I absolutely hate doing them. It makes me feel really queasy which really surprises me, I didn’t think it would bother me at all. In addition to the other side effects I now also have a really sore tongue and the worst joint pain I’ve ever experienced. Every joint feels as though it’s on fire and I dose myself up with paracetamol and ibuprofen. Heat brings some relief and I apply hot water bottles where I can but as it’s the middle of summer and very warm outside it is very uncomfortable to continue however much it helps. Days 6 to 8 bring the added bonus of drenching night sweats. I mean totally drenching, it’s crazy, I can literally wring out my pyjama top! My abdomen starts distending and hurting on Days 7 to 11, but nowhere near as bad as last time and perfectly manageable. By Day 12 I am feeling reasonably well, although I have forgotten what it is like to feel normal, and despite the continued tiredness I take the last week to potter around, have friends and family visit (socially distanced and french doors wide open) and prepare myself for Cycle 3.

As wearing and difficult as the last few days have been, I am beginning to think that the 6 cycles are manageable, I’m a third of the way through and I can do this. The sore tongue and revolting taste in my mouth is difficult as everything tastes horrible, but I have to eat regularly to stave off the nausea. I am craving salt so I am eating a lot of kettle crisps which doesn’t help my weight. I am quite emotional in that I cry at anything and for no reason but generally I am ok and can start to see a way through this madness. And life carries on.